A New Year’s Statement Re: Lar & Con

On the heels of our Brothers’ Lot Christmas Eve Lar and Con Seasonal Spinoff, we have been inundated with inquiries as to how our brave dyad rang in the New Year.  It has taken some time to establish the facts but here they are as best we can gather.

Statement of Garda Liam Mulcahy read aloud in District Court No 44, January 7, 2013, Judge Dermot Prentice presiding:

One the morning of January First, two thousand and thirteen a.k.a. New Year’s Day, at approximately 4:15 in the morning.  Garda Comiskey and myself were proceeding in a North-North Westerly direction along the Harold’s Cross Road approaching the junction with Parkview Avenue when we perceived two individuals leaning on the railings of the park engaged in conversation of an elevated volume while apparently teasing a dog of the Kerry Blue variety.  We approached and confronted the two individuals who identified themselves as Con Conway and Lar Lawrence, both employees of Brannigan Brothers. 

Upon request for the meaning of the uproar and disturbance, Mr. Lawrence inquired of Garda Comiskey and myself how we had got over the Christmas and remarked that he himself found it a very trying and soul-sapping time of year.  Mr. Conway eyed myself and Garda Comiskey in a manner not inconsistent with inebriation and proceeded to sing Take Her Up to Monto.  Mr. Lawrence, while also appearing to be inebriated exhibited a more conciliatory approach and explained that the pair had run into each other at a New Year’s gathering “somewhere in Foxrock.’  When I asked if they had walked from Foxrock to their present location in Harold’s Cross the answer was in the affirmative. 

When I questioned Mr. Lawrence about the dog, my suspicions being aroused by the fine condition of the animal and the incongruity of the piece of clothesline being used as a leash, Mr. Lawrence said he had found it straying in the Foxrock area.  Mr. Conway interjected that the dog had in fact been tied to a traffic light but there being no one about he had surmised that this was perhaps some New Year’s tradition of Protestant origin and could not conclusively be taken to be a sign of prior ownership.  Mr. Lawrence concurred, though disputed the protestant nature of the tying the dog to a traffic light and explained they had deemed the bog to have been abandoned.  Mr. Conway then asked Garda Comiskey if he was aware that Toledo had once been the capital of Spain before hurriedly turning away and vomiting over the railings into the adjacent park.  At this point we escorted Messrs. Lawrence and Conway to the station to take a full statement.

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