The Thing About Christmas is…..

As a bonus gift for readers of The Brothers’ Lot, we are proud to present this second solstice-related seasonal spin-off in which Lar Lawrence and Con Conway, still in the employ of Brannigan Brothers, discuss the spirit of the Rare Aul Dublin Christmas while standing, yet again in Dublin’s Westmoreland Street.  You can refresh your memory of last year’s installment here

Lar: It’s bitter cold.

Con: It is.  Mind you it is much colder in Nova Scotia this time of year.

Lar: It is, now?

Con: Oh yes.  And darker.

Lar: Is that a fact?

Con: Oh you wouldn’t believe how dark and dreary it can be.

Lar: Were you there?

Con: Jesus no!  You’d have to fly to get there.

Lar: Well, yes you would…

Con: …and what would I want to go spending nine hours in a plane only to end up in somewhere even darker than this place?  As if Christmas wasn’t bad enough without adding more darkness to it.

Lar: Ah now, in fairness…

Con: …all them feckin ads on the telly with everyone smiling and opening presents and sitting down to perfect dinners that look like they came from a hotel.  And them all enjoying one another and wearing new jumpers!  Well that’s all filmed in the early part of it.  You never see ads filmed around four o’clock on Christmas day, do you?

Lar: I can’t say as I’ve ever noticed but…

Con: …You never see anyone on ads asleep in the armchair with the lower dentures threatening to fall into his lap every time he breathes out. You never see the daughter of the house under the stairs drinking Harvey’s Bristol Cream by the neck or the son texting pictures of his presents to his friends with all of them tagged “another shite gift” including the phone he’s using to send the feckin things!!

Lar: Ah, I wouldn’t know I don’t watch that much…

Con: Terrible depressing time of year it is.  Wojus!  Can’t stand it!

Lar:  I suppose it strikes different people different ways.  Takes all sorts.  I suppose you’ll be skipping the Christmas party on Friday then.

Con: Are you mad?  Open bar and running buffet upstairs in Dillons of Little Crimea Street?  I’ll be there all right.  I already got one of those little screwdrivers with the interchangeable heads for me secret Santa gift.  Damn right I’m going.

Lar: Ah right.  Suppose I’ll see you then.  Here’s me bus.

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